Ramesh*, usually clad in shirt and trousers, changes into a sari for the few hours he spends at the Sahodaran office and feels entirely at ease. “Cross-dressers are people who desire to dress like the opposite sex, but due to societal and familial pressure cannot do so. The few hours they spend in the NGO is the only time they can be themselves,” says K. Sundar, counsellor, Project Pehchan, an HIV prevention programme.
With the objective of helping cross-dressers, transgenders (TG) and homosexuals understand their gender identity and counsel them about the stigma they face, NGOs and community-based organisations (CBO) run helplines.
“We receive many such calls from young boys who exhibit characteristics of a girl, but have been told from birth that they are from the male gender. Often they are confused,” says Jaya, general manager, Sahodaran, a CBO.
With no support from family, friends or society, many turn to the helplines to voice their fears and worries. Helplines in the city that were initially started to provide counselling on HIV/AIDS are also advising callers on issues of sexual identity now.
Most callers are in the 20-23 age group. “They realise that they are different right from when they are in school but suffer in silence. Often, they understand and talk about it when they are older,” says Magdalene Jeyarathnam, Director, East-West Centre for Counselling.
Many have been disowned by family members for showing characteristics of the opposite sex.
“Callers are sometimes worried that their family will not accept them and so end up moving out of their home,” says Sundar.
A case in point is Kavya, a transgender, who had not visited her house for seven years. “Initially, I was unsure about telling my family. Counsellors spoke to my parents about my identity and explained how I had been frightened of expressing myself from childhood and also spoke convincingly about my work in police advocacy. Now I live with my family and they are proud of me,” she says.
“We tell the family that this is a crucial time when their child is in need of their support and can achieve anything with it. If the family rejects them, they will be forced to take up begging or fall into wrong company,” says Jaya.
The counsellors talk about the history of alternate sexuality to instil confidence in callers. “Often callers feel that their behaviour is abnormal. We talk to them and find out if their feelings are natural or influenced by someone else. If they have had such tendencies from an early age, it is natural. But, in some cases they may be persuaded, and we help them understand this,” says Shekar from SWAM, another CBO.
When it comes to those who have decided to perform surgery, the counsellors help in providing support and encouragement while also educating them about the physical and mental impact the surgery would have on their lives.
However, a single fully-functional helpline is yet to be created, say most.
*(Name changed)